I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
