the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
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