yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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