i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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