He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize