The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
please don't ironically join a cult
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