8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
