So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
