It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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