Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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