So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
