were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
