Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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