I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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