he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
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my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
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I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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