Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
