You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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