Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
