I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
