Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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