you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
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