im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
