listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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