just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
