Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize