is your mom at the bar?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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