From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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