He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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