he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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