my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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