Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize