I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize