I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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