if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
