Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
