did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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