im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
