I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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