1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
