hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
