We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
