We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Randomize
