Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
