I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
