Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
