addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
