i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I think a kid would responsible me up
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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