i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
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