She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
