drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
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i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
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There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize