Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
