So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
