that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
This toilet bowl is my home.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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