I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
