I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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