he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
