**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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