I hate your face
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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