booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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