We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I think I am morally bankrupt
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Damn victory sex feels great
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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