i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
