Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
