I think i sorta joined a cult last night
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
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i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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