I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
