If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
