just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
