I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
