It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
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I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
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Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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