batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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