Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
