the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
