Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
