She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
everyone is single if you try hard enough
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
