yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
