There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
