If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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