Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
